Newer posts are loading.
You are at the newest post.
Click here to check if anything new just came in.

August 14 2012

15:47

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
 
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
 
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
 
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
 
- e. e. cummings

July 21 2012

05:54
4440 cccc 390

Well, at least I’m almost home. 

05:46

Pissed am I.

It’s 1:28 in the mother fucking morning. Is that why I’m furiously typing on my almost mother’s hipster mac as though I’m going to forgot every last red hot thought burning through my brain this second? 

It isn’t. 

It could possibly be the sexual frustration going on between me and and my without-clue boyfriend, who always seems to miss what’s appropriate to do by inches in every given situation. 

But that really isn’t it, either. 

No. I’m not sleeping soundly next to a boy whom I haven’t missed a night with since early May, curled up in his arms and listening to his syncopated heart rhythms, never faltering, which is quite impressive and signs of a long healthy life, I think, but regardless I can’t sleep because I started reading “Looking For Alaska” today, which I’m sure you’ve all read, you mainstream hipster bastards, and not even beyond the first chapter, the main character becomes obsessed with this, “I go to seek a Great Perhaps” last words. And I can’t even read my goddamn book anymore. 

It isn’t as though I haven’t known how unoriginal my somebody that I used to know was when I knew him. But honestly. There is but no sweep of originality or sincerity in him, is there. Oh, are you confused? Let me help. Imagine a soul who:

a) Becomes obsessed with last words, quoting his favourite as “I go to seek a Great Perhaps” (Looking For Alaska)

b) Sites his favourite songs lyrics from the band Belle and Sebastian as “Colour my life with the chaos of trouble” (500 Days of Summer)

c) Becomes obsessed with the idea of “lost innocence” (The Catcher in the Rye)

d) Suddenly cites “Asleep” as his new favourite song from the ever popular Smiths (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

e) Claims his favourite movie is The Graduate, citing his favourite scene as the ending where Dustin and Katherine run off on a bus together (Also, 500 Days of Summer)

I mean, to find out, solidly, that the human being you wasted a year of your life with, that you admired, that you regretted letting go, is actually a cesspool source of underground literature and pop culture… well. Sheesh. To think I used to not pity Meaghan. 

Either way, I think I made a lucky break in picking my heavy sleeper. Sincerity, that’s a difficult thing to come by nowadays. I’m just lucky I wasn’t stuck with a walking indie wikipedia. Here’s to hoping we never run into each other. 

January 28 2012

23:15

Okay, now you’re coming. Well, I just might sit in my house &ignore your texts until you’re forced to get out of the car &come to my door.

23:13

I have this strange fucking feeling that you’re never going to come &that I dressed up like an idiot just so I can sit at home all day long &play with myself.

22:47

ok, now I’m annoyed. Originally, you said you would be at my house around five & that we would go over to your friends together before the dance. I told this to my mom who wanted to get a picture of the both of us dressed up. You’re now 50 minutes late, & you just texted me to say “I’m going over to Hannah’s before I pick you up.” I’m pissed, &the reasoning is legitimate. 

21:54

I get annoyed far too easily, or possibly I just feel bad for getting annoyed justly.

January 24 2012

03:18

I’ve been out of a relationship for such a long time that I have no idea what the fuck is considered acceptable. I don’t know if I should call her, I don’t know if I should buy her flowers, I don’t know if I should randomly stop by her house with some homemade shit. I’m so lost.

03:12

This is by no means a renege on a promise, nor is it a renege on how I feel. Today, I’m just down, things aren’t clicking, logic is askew. I’m finding myself in a place where I call you my friend, a friend that I could possibly love, a friend that I feel tremendously happy when around. I’m just worried, I’m just cautious.
I hope I see you tomorrow. I hope we get time to talk & time to kiss. It would really make my day. You make my days happy once more.

January 23 2012

21:06

Monday, January 23, 2012

I entered into a relationship yesterday with the girl I referenced to in the previous post. She’s utterly amazing, yet I can’t shake the feeling that I’m going to find a way to fuck this up—unintentionally of course. I’m flooded with this sudden sense of trust for her, trust and utter disbelief. Being in a relationship (again) seems to surreal, so impossible, yet so empowering & full of wonder. I have so many paths, so many avenues to explore. I can’t wait to get to know her better. I can’t wait until I see her next.

January 22 2012

20:45

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Sundays are the cruelest of days.

Boredom sets in like brinks & heavy as hell is our air. The girl I’m interested in is already starting to be turned off by my overly paranoid ways—or perhaps this is another sign of my dreadful paranoia. When boredom strikes, depressions accompanies in glorious fashion, hyper-activating my ticks. I drove around today for hours, before finally freaking out & almost pleading with her to hang out with me (to which she agreed, reluctant & annoyed). I’ve never been more horrified to fuck up anything in my life as I am about this. She’s a fantastic, beautiful, intelligent woman. I can’t let this one go, I’d be a fool to fuck it up with my mental illnesses. I am a fool.

20:45

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Sundays are the cruelest of days.

Boredom sets in like brinks & heavy as hell is our air. The girl I’m interested in is already starting to be turned off by my overly paranoid ways—or perhaps this is another sign of my dreadful paranoia. When boredom strikes, depressions accompanies in glorious fashion, hyper-activating my ticks. I drove around today for hours, before finally freaking out & almost pleading with her to hang out with me (to which she agreed, reluctant & annoyed). I’ve never been more horrified to fuck up anything in my life as I am about this. She’s a fantastic, beautiful, intelligent woman. I can’t let this one go, I’d be a fool to fuck it up with my mental illnesses. I am a fool.

October 07 2011

20:55
0248 18a1 390
Reposted byasparagus asparagus
14:50
6148 31b8 390
14:49

i asked me

and i asked her

and i asked she

and i asked he

and he asked her

and we asked them

and they all snarled

our heralding notions

and they all snarled 

at my naïveté 

so i asked life

and i asked death

and i asked mom

and i asked dad

and i asked Ginsberg

and i asked jack

but none of them replied to 

me back.

so i asked bukowski

and he told me

to ask this one

and that one

—never ask a drunk one

and never ask a poet—

all they gave me was a question

without hope

 so with not much left

i will try to ask you

and wait for your response

and i hope

and i pray 

that you would feel the same way

about me 

,the same way i feel about you,

but im shivering 

and quivering

and have to go to work

so i guess ill hold off

and ask you some other day.

14:48
6150 4e2c 390
14:44

I’m traveling an hour and a half tonight to go to Tuscola, the only place in the Midwest with people I actually like.

03:11
8186 d3d5 390
01:20

Oh God, I’m so depressed, I wish I could die.

00:34

No no no, I don’t want to stay home from school tomorrow. There will be nothing to do and I’ll sit in my bed all day long, basking in self loathing. I got the blues; hell, do pretty girls make graves or what?

Older posts are this way If this message doesn't go away, click anywhere on the page to continue loading posts.
Could not load more posts
Maybe Soup is currently being updated? I'll try again automatically in a few seconds...
Just a second, loading more posts...
You've reached the end.

Don't be the product, buy the product!

Schweinderl